Iron Man 2: Heroes and Villains and Henchmen, oh my!

Comic book franchise films all seem to suffer from a similar fate. The first movie usually covers the origin story of the hero and the villain. The second movie introduces one or more new villains. If they make it to the third film, you get Spiderman 3’s tangled web of story lines and personalities all pulling in different directions.

Iron Man 2 not only introduces new villains, but also new heroes. In spite of claims made in this interview, the film miserably fails to avoid the pitfalls of a multi-villain comic book movie. Just take a look at this list of the new heroes and villains crammed into Iron Man 2:

Black Widow:
The typical “girl who kicks ass” character

Back story: Blah, Blah, Blah, orphan, blah, blah, blah, Russian spy, blah, blah, blah…

Powers: Ability to hit things, kick things, use James Bond / Batman style weapons, kung fu grip

Whiplash: Typical mad scientist character

Back story: In Russia I am electromechanical engineer. In USA I live in warehouse plotting revenge

Powers: Ability to construct weapons out of spare parts, like building a bomb out of some toothpicks, a bag of sugar and an iPod

Henchman: Think of the foot soldiers from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoons

Back story: Lost his job when the economy went bad and decided to go to henchmen college

Powers: Ability to be easily defeated in a spectacular manor

Texting Addict Girl: The future of America

Back story: @ mall rite now & just saw Justin Bieber!! OMG! cant beleave it!!! LOLZ!!

Powers: Ability to txt 700 words per minute while crashing her dad’s car into a crowd of school children.

UPOM (Unreasonable Political Opponent Man): Typical politician

Back story: After loosing an election, UPOM went insane and started calling everything his political opponents tried to do a “government takeover”

Powers: Ability to defeat any argument by claiming his opponent wants to destroy America

Insurance Company Executive Woman: scum of the earth

Back Story: Sold soul to Satan in exchange for billions in profits

Powers: Ability to maintain profit margins by denying coverage to children

Wall Street Executive Boy: scum of the earth

Back Story: got bored raping butterflies and kittens one day and decided to starting start raping everything else

Powers: Ability to lose billions of dollars, destroy the entire global economy and still get a huge performance bonus at taxpayer expense

With all of these crazy characters, it’s hard to enjoy all the explosions and special effects. Iron Man 3 will be even worse when they introduce yet another new character: Franchise Milking Hollywood Executive Man.

~ by erellsworth on April 19, 2010.

2 Responses to “Iron Man 2: Heroes and Villains and Henchmen, oh my!”

  1. When will they ever learn?

  2. As soon as they stop making shit loads of money, I suppose. Bastards.

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