Why Did I Get Married Too: Tyler Perry’s Big Fat Head

I could spend time explaining how awful the awkwardly titled Why Did I Get Married Too is going to be. Thankfully, there’s no need. You see, all Tyler Perry movies and TV shows all have one thing in common: they all have his name plastered in front of the title. That’s really all you need to know.

You might think this naming convention is just a marketing scheme, targeting people who have crappy taste in movies Perry’s loyal fan base. Or you might think it’s done to placate Tyler Perry’s ego, which is so massive it can only be contained by the Jupiteresque planetoid that sits atop his shoulders. In either case, you’d be wrong.

The real reason Tyler Perry’s name is included is to act like a disclaimer. If you were to go see something like Why Did I Get Married Too you would have fair warning that the movie was made by Tyler Perry, and would therefore be a complete pile of crap.

The TP Advanced Warning System, or T-PAWS as I’ve come to call it, was first initiated back in 2005 after hordes of unsuspecting moviegoers were subjected to Diary of a Mad Black Woman. After seeing the film, people started having nightmares. Some committed suicide. Others turned to drugs.

I was a victim myself. I still bleach my eyeballs everyday and use a Brillo pad in the shower but nothing helps. I can’t get the images out of my head. I still feel dirty. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, screaming, “The plot line! The characters! The horror!”

In the aftermath, congress passed bipartisan legislation requiring all future TP films to have the halfwit scribe’s name in the title. (I think they called it “the even more patriotic act”.) Thanks to this legislation, the only people who will be subjected Tyler Perry films will be those foolish enough to ignore the warning.

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~ by erellsworth on March 27, 2010.

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