Twilight Eclipse: Doomed to Fail
This movie has not yet been rated. The reason it has not yet been rated is because the MPAA has to come up with a whole new rating to properly describe the hot steamy action you’re going to see in Twilight Eclipse. If the books are any indication*, there will be a lot of heavy breathing, lustful gazes and even some out of wedlock hand holding. I’m talking about stuff that would make even the most progressive 1950s censor blush. My prediction for the new rating: NC-57, no one under the age of 57 will admitted. Yeah, it’s going to be that sexy.
Since Twilight’s target audience consists of Jonas Brothers fans and other teenage girls, The NC-57 rating will likely make this the lowest grossing film of all time. The studio will go bankrupt leaving the final film of the series in production limbo, hopefully until long after I am dead.
In the aftermath, Robert Pattinson will attempt to save his career by changing his image. To that end, he will purchase a hair brush and a membership to a tanning salon. Sadly, I will still have the urge to punch him in the face.
*I have not read the books; I get this information from someone who has. I would have read them myself but I have so many other things to read that are more interesting, like the warnings on the back of a box of decongestant, or the return policy on my receipt from the grocery store.
